His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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