i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've blown a few things in my day
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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