end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize