Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
