so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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