Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
