I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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