Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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