she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
