I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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