Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
