I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
