Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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