There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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