the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
