I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
