is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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