His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
