some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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