No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
