Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
