Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
