Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Even my vagina gasped.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A+ Viking dick
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