I want to walk on stilts...naked
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
