I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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