I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Couch. On fire.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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