im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
