What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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