i just google imaged poop.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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