All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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