I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
