No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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