I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
