My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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