I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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