I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
