Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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