Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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