he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
