You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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