so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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