And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
