I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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