I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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