you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
