She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
