She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
