Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
