Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
