Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
