Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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