you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
