oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
