Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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