I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
