I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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