Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
