It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
