Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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