gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
