so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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