i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
