she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You made out with two different species that night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize