How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
