Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
