I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize