i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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