You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
