You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
