did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
