Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
