some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
