i always forget guys have bellybuttons
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
