Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's blow job season.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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