If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She bit a glass in half.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
