HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize