I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
