yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
