Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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