the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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