Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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