Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
