guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
