Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
