I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
