Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
