So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
