I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
