Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
