I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
