I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
