We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
