Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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