Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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