I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
