my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
