oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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