she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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