apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
